And Flintlock begat Springfield, the breech birth,
And Springfield begat Enfield, and Enfield begat Gatling,
And Gatling begat Maxim, who begat Rat, who begat
The blessed Twin boys Tat and Tat,
And Tat begat Kalashnikov, who begat Kalashnikov, Kalashnikov,
To make yourself a dum-dum bullet
That will on impact rip apart,
That when you shoot somebody’s stomach
Will lodge a fragment in his heart,
I recommend this simple method,
It’s quick, and quite low-cost,
Just take a switchblade to your bullet
And carve a little cross.
Messrs. Smith & Wesson, little one,
Are here to share a lesson, little one,
Never walk to school alone,
Always bring your piece along.
O piece, O piece, O piece on Earth,
O piece in which all men exult,
The silly girls want pretty ponies,
The smart ones want a Colt.
Pop-pop-pop quiz, facts are facts.
Forget your reading: Add, subtract.
Arithmetic admits no sentiment.
Sixth Commandment, Second Amendment.
And Winchester begat Remington, and Heckler begat Koch,
And Walther, son of Luger, begat Glock upon Beretta,
And their lineage spread across the Earth, to the shooting-range
Appalachians, to Stockton in its hoodie, to the camo-vested Dakotas,
Yea, unto the kindergartens of furthest Connecticut
Their children and their children’s children spread,
The automatic and the semi-automatic, the all-American equalizer,
The sawed-off, the cocked, the locked and loaded manstopper, childstopper,
For such was the will of God, the granddaddy of all Founding Fathers.
John Moses Browning, born in Ogden, Utah,
Took, in his smithy, the measure of men.
Nine millimeters, end to end.