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Award Ceremony Nightmare With Swedish Meatballs

ISSUE:  Winter 2022


I was sitting at a banquet table before the awards ceremony. 
A distinguished character actor, who narrated the PBS documentary
I saw last night, entered the banquet hall in a white jacket. 
He was a server. I was about to ask Are you him? when he fired 
a Swedish meatball at my head. I could tell it was a Swedish meatball 
because of the cream sauce. He fired another one and another one. 
Most of them missed, but some dripped down my forehead and my neck. 
I wondered why this actor kept throwing Swedish meatballs at me,
why they weren’t papas rellenas, fried potato balls stuffed with ground 
beef, the Puerto Rican meatball smuggled inside a crunchy potato. 

I woke up cackling. My wife stared at me, as she so often does. 
She wanted to know why I was laughing in my sleep. I need to be 
heavily sedated. I need more pills, flying at me like Swedish meatballs.



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